Below is half of a written response I gave to one of my counselors during my Treatment for SUD. This came after years of “self-medicating” my ADHD. Though I was diagnosed in college, I rarely followed the doctors’ orders.
Assignments for 8/23 Treatment Plan
4 Attitude and Behavioral Changes Needed In Order for Successful Recovery
- Open to New Ideas
- Willingness to Change
- Taking Action: Progress, not Perfection
- Be Realistic, Agreeable, Compliant, Respectful, Devoted AKA Surrender without Justifying or Reasoning unacceptable, unhealthy attitudes and behaviors that will lead to a relapse
4 Ways how Symptoms of Mood Disturbance Led to Substance Use
- A lack of focus
- Thrill seeking
- Day dreaming
- Unusual sleep patterns
ALL of these mood disturbances (stemming from untreated ADHD) led to substance use. The impulsive, hyperactive behavior led to various negative experiences involving authority. Authoritative figures want calm, obedient people around and under them that do not hesitate to follow directions without quickly and quietly. When I came to understand that it was not as easy for me to control many of these ADHD symptoms, it led to more day dreaming, restlessness, and thrill-seeking behavior.
4 Ways How Toxicity in My Relationships have Exacerbated Unmanageability
- Drawn to Craziness
- Selfishness – Feeding Addiction and putting blame on others for responsibilities
- Being a Downer/Helplessness/Hopelessness
I have always been drawn to craziness because of my lack of ability to organize and manage myself successfully. Therefore, I tolerate it from others. I sometimes have antagonized others to take the blame off of myself and feel less shameful.
I am selfish in many ways. This has been proven by lack of respect towards myself, my parents, and other people.
I have manipulated others to “take care of myself” and to get what I want.
I have given up on seeing myself as changing or becoming better many times. I have brought others down with me, especially those who care about me and want to see me succeed. Sad story.